Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Life's a Debate: What's the rush? Married couples in middle school

I just came off of this Seventeen magazine forum where a 17-year old girl was asking people what they thought about her recent engagement to be married. She wanted to know if they thought that she was too young and if they were married or engaged. She got a LOT of replies. Most of which said that she wasn't too young as long as she is in love, and that 17 is fine to get married. Going through the responses, I found at that quite a few of these responses came from girls aged 14-18 that were either engaged, married or considering it.

This has got to be the single most shocking thing I've seen this week, and that includes the whole Tiger Woods/possible mistress situation.

I mean have I really been away from the United States for so long? Because, when I left 8 years ago I really don't think I had any friends that had older siblings in high school that were engaged or married. Then again, maybe I was just oblivious to this now entirely too interesting trend. I In my junior high and high school equivalent, marriage was definitely not an issue, for me or any of my school mates at least while in the secondary school (grades 7-12), and usually for a couple of years after that as well. Even now, I personally can not imagine, at the age of 18, getting ready for my own wedding. And even in the year I spent at my old university, I really didn't know anyone with serious wedding plans, and most of the people I knew were at least in their 20s.

I don't see what the rush is about? I can't speak for anyone but myself but even though I was very happily in a relationship for almost a year, the thought of getting married then was not even in my mind. And no, it was not because I am entirely unromantic and just want to be alone forever. My reasons were and still are:

1. I don't want to do anything as important and wonderful as marriage halfway. When I do get married I want to be in it for the long haul and be willing and able to devote myself to making it work.

2. I am still learning new things about myself and trying to understand myself right now. If I don't know and understand myself, how can I help someone to understand me?

3. I have a lot of goals and ambitions that require a lot of commitment and like I said in #1, I don't like to do things halfway. Right now, I have things I want to experience, places I want to go, and goals I want to achieve and now is the time to be able to put my all into them without distraction so that later I will have no regrets. When I am ready for a family and marriage, my husband and family will get my undivided attention and will always come first for me.

I just feel that if you love someone, as in really love someone there is no need to rush into marriage, especially if you are not really sure about who you are yet and what you want out of life. True love never dies and if you are sure the person you want to marry is the one for you, the person will still be the one for you in a couple of years when you are both more independent, stronger and more self aware.

Once again, I can only speak for myself. I really want to know more about the other point of view and people's reasons for getting married in their teens and early 20s (21, 22).

Love you all and Stay inspired,

P.S. So let me know what you think? Would you get married in your teens? Are you married or engaged? How do you do everyday life as a young married couple (especially if you're 15 or 16). And what ever happened to promise rings? Feel free to let me know in the comments below.


Molly said...

I'm 21 and technically engaged (we just can't afford a ring at the moment). When I was a teenager I went out with lots of people, but looking back, I am so glad I decided not to stick with any of them. There is nothing wrong with them, it's just that I've grown so different to them now.

However, my boyfriend and I are very similar to each other, were bestfriends first and know each other inside out, and each others families. I think that you get to a point in your life when you feel like you know yourself, for some that could be when you're young, but for others if might not be until your 60.

Most people I know who are my age don't even want to THINK about marriage until they're in their late 20's/early 30's. But that's because they want careers etc first. However I'm not career driven, I am a writer and I work part-time while also studying at the moment. I plan to continue in this way.

My boyfriend and I both view marriage as just a piece of paper for us, we basically live as a married couple anyway.

Anyway, I think the most important thing is that you know YOURSELF, completely. Before you even think about making such a massive commitment to another person. But at the same time, sometimes you have to take risks. Marriage is a risk, but you have to want it and feel that it's worth it.

Aury said...

Wow! thanks so much for your insight Molly. You bring up some very interesting points and from what you've said, it seems you are very in tune with yourself and aware of the two sides of marriage, the joys and the struggles. I wish you luck in your relationship and thanks again for commenting.

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