Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Love and Relationships- Music Therapy part 3- Working through a break-up

If you haven't already, you can read the prequels to this post, Music Therapy part 1 and 2 here.



Music has always been a big part of my life. From the little girl that used to sing Pocahontas songs in front of her dad's friends ( I've seen pictures!!!) to the young adult that now writes songs and records music, I've always seen it as a way to express myself. The lyrics, the voices, the instruments, everything just connects with me deeply. This is why, when I go through a break-up, I try to ease the pain and speed up the healing process by listening to a certain soundtrack that I've compiled as my 'break-up soundtrack'. I've been using these songs for a couple of years now and I can honestly say they help me put everything into perspective.


The track has two parts: the first is made up of all Mariah Carey songs and is sort of a quick summary of the whole process; the second is made up of Kelly Clarkson songs and lets me go through process at a slower rate. By the second part, I've usually pulled myself together. The songs are:
  • It's like that-Mariah Carey: When I listen to this song I remember the first time 'we' met ('we' in reference to the guy and I). It reminds me of the excitement, the interest, the chemical attraction, the frisson from across the room and the sense that you've just met someone with the ability to impact your life in a big way. I'm usually pretty upset at this part but it helps me acknowledge the reality of the situation.

  • We belong together- same singer: By this point I just let myself feel the pain and allow the grieving to take place.
  • Shake it off- same singer: This song shows me that I need to get back on my feet and move on with life.

  • Because of you-Kelly Clarkson: This is when I'm just blaming him for the demise of the relationship. It's a lot of anger, but mostly hurt.

  • Behind these Hazel Eyes-Kelly Clarkson : This is when I sort of fantasize the relationship, making it out to be perfect when it wasn't. Here I ask myself how I'll be able to live without him. I feel only hurt here.

  • Since you been gone-Kelly Clarkson:This is all about how much better I feel now that I'm without him. It's all anger but it also signals that I'm beginning to move on.

  • Breakaway-Kelly Clarkson:This is when I start to picture myself as ready to move on, by letting go of all the bad feelings.
  • Walk away-Kelly Clarkson : This song symbolises complete freedom of the relationship, and total independence. It's when I feel like I no longer need to stalk his facebook page, or follow his twitter, or hang on to any of the threads of the relationship. Total liberation!

Now, I'm not saying that by simply going through this soundtrack I become magically healed. After all, these things do take time. It's like I said before, I see it as a form of therapy and one that isn't going to break my bank or tip my scales anytime soon.

(Photo from: bored-now)

Love you all and Stay inspired,


P.S. So let me know what you think. What's your favorite form of therapy? How do you get through a breakup? What songs would be on your 'break-up soundtrack'? Feel free to let me know in the comments below.

6 comments:

Cafe Fashionista said...

It is scary how much we have in common my love! I am obsessed with music and use it as my form of therapy, as well. I also have no qualms about receiving mix tapes/mix CD's from cute boys on occasion!

I've found that Alicia Keys' "Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart" is a wonderful song for a breakup (though it can make you feel sentimental); and for some peculiar reason Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" falls into the breakup song category for me as well!! Three other songs on my breakup soundtrack: Landon Pigg's "Can't Get Over You," Coconut Records' "West Coast," and Owl City's "Vanilla Twilight." :)

Aury said...

-Cafe Fashionista
Woah! This is crazy stuff! Bad Romance was the main song I used to get over my last break-up! I LOVE Vanilla Twilight! Haven't heard the rest but I'm sure I'll love them. We must be kindred spirits!

Catie said...

Love love love that you named all the best Kelly Clarkson songs. Hope you have a good year in 2010!

la petite fashionista said...

music is definitely great therapy! i went through a realllyyy rough breakup & had a nice long list of empowering breakup songs.

i like how heartfelt country songs can be- i had "picture to burn" by taylor swift & "best days of your life" by kelly pickler on my break up playlist :)

LAUREN said...

my breakups have been mutual and easy to get past, but i do have a fabulous crying playlist on the ready for whenever a boy breaks my heart, or i just need a good cry! you can find it on my blog: http://thecupcakeaficionado.blogspot.com/2009/11/crying-playlist.html

Aury said...

-Catie: Glad you agree with me! And thanks! Hope you have a fab year too!
-la petite fashionista: I love that about them too. Something about the mix of the instruments and the lyrics is just so sincere. And thanks for your song suggestions, I'll try them out now.
-Lauren: I'll check it out. A crying playlist sounds like a great idea to me :)

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